For me, kissing is a deal breaker. Too many times I have been coaxed into a situation in which I was promised a good lip lock and received quite the latter. If you can't kiss properly, then nothing will ever become of you and I. I've kissed a lot of people in my life. And my personal verdict is that girls are just better kissers. Maybe its just because I'm a girl and a girl kisses how she wants to be kissed. Gays too, but that’s prolly cause they’re really girly. I'm telling you though, in general, girls are much more enjoyable in the mouth department than boys. Over the years I've become very picky with my kissing etiquette, mostly because over the years I’ve kissed some AWFUL kissers.
I’ve broken it down into do’s and don’ts and configured a nice guide to kissing me.
1. 1. Tongue, Lip Thickness, & Opening You’re Fucking Mouth:
I like tongue but not too much, like please don’t choke me with your big gross slimy worm tongue. But in moderation, tongue is good. Also, lip thickness is a big deal for me. If you have tiny little cat mouth, it’s just not going to work. I have very large ethnic lips (what ethnicity? I’m not sure, Bobbie suspects African) so I can’t very well deal with someone whose lips feel nonexistent. I feel as if I’m eating their mouth and that makes me feel weird about my kissing abilities. Not okay! Also, when they can’t open their mouth and still try and use a lot of tongue. I’m getting nauseated just talking about it. Its like HEY. ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH OR JUST POKE ME WITH YOUR NASTY ALASKAN BULL WORM.
2. 2. So…What’re We Doing With Our Hands?
There is no good answer to this question. Especially if you’re going the classy route and trying to kiss in a car. Because one of us is going to have to lean over the center console and its going to poke me in the ribs and if I try and move my arm over it then its probably going to hit you while we’re trying to stay attached at the lips. A hand on the back of the neck will do just fine. That’s the go-to. When in doubt, baby just put the hand on the back of my neck.
3. 3. Places You’re Going to Try To Kiss Me That Aren’t My Mouth:
The Ears. Ears should be nibbled and kissed but the second you try and put your nasty tongue near my ear I’m going to vomit. If you can nibble on my ear without sticking your tongue through my brain then more power to you. However if you’re not sure if you can resist tickling my ear drum with your spit, then just don’t go there. I prefer nibbling on my ear, but keep it at that.
Neck Kisses. I really enjoy kissing other peoples necks. I could suck on an attractive neck until the cows came home. But on occasion when people kiss my neck I want to vomit and judo chop them in the throat. However I resist, because I think this is probably just a personal problem of my own. It’s really a gamble every time. Sometimes I really really like neck kisses.
Hips Sides & Chest. Hips, yes yes and yes. Who doesn’t like to get their hips licked. However, similar to the neck, sometimes it just gets really really ticklish and I’ma have to tell you to quit before I kill you. Same with the sides. Just keep it above the belly button and I shouldn’t freak out too much. And lastly but not leastly, please kiss down my chest. Its prolly my fave.
4. 4. Lip Nibbling:
Lip Nibbling gets its own number because I am so adamant about it. I prefer you to nibble any part of me. Please don’t bite to draw blood (all the time). A little bite, rough kissing is always good. I feel like this is a necessity to kissing that is just not used enough.
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