Thin is In

“Tory I have the funniest story ever to tell you.”

“Go on.”

“So I was watching Sarah Silverman the other day at my Grandma’s and it was probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. It reminded me of you”

“Go on.”

“She was talking about the word nigger and how it’s her favorite word to use. And you use that word probably more than anyone I’ve ever met. And then she was talking about her black boyfriend and said ‘I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.’”

Laughter ensues.

“Then she went onto talking about the starving Ethiopian kids on TV and was like, ‘I know I see those commercials with the little kids with flies all over them. Their stomach’s all puffed out, it’s really terrible. Geez, kids two three years old, six months pregnant, and I always want to send them money…I’m just afraid they’ll spend it on drugs.”

More laughter.

“Then she said the best line, which I think is just going to be our new personal mantra. She goes ‘I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin.”

Incredible amounts of laughter.

_______________________________________________________

I wanna see Hummel I wanna see Hummel I wanna see Hummel!

As we walked into Hamburger Mary’s I wasn’t sure what to expect, Travis and I had only been there one other time before and we talked to a crazy black man. He wasn’t there tonight.

I couldn’t hear him but the guy at the front door was waving his glowy bracelet in our faces. So naturally, that probably meant he wanted to see our I.D.’s or something.

Then I was stabbed in the eyes with knives seven times. Just kidding. I just saw the Chihuahua gogo dancer in a tiny little red banana hammock that said life guard on it running around. Gross.

We were there for the drag show that a few of our friends were in, Lexi Love who I swear on my grave looks just like Megan Fox, Maci from teen mom, and Ashley Hoff, and every other girl I’ve ever seen apparently. And Hummel, also known as Miss Carriage. My personal favorite person on this earth. It was his birthday. However whilst trying to enjoy the performance, and tip the ladies a huge blob kept flopping in the way. And this huge blob had about four friends. And they were loud and they were annoying and the Chihuahua was running back and fourth in different colored thongs being all tiny and creepy and orange.

Then I looked to my left and of course, another huge fat blob was there. But that’s a whole other can of worms.

I looked at travis, and the huge negro elephant in front of me and back at travis and travis looked at me and the huge negro elephants three friends and back at me

“I can’t tell if I’m being thin or not right now.”

Via Facebook

12:12pm Me

I was not being thin yesterday at work

I was being quite the latter.

this big black bitch came in and took a fucking lifetime when it was like 8:56 and we close at 9

and she had a baby

and guess what its fucking name was

12:13pmTravis

what?

12:13pm Me

well

my manager asked and she said dineiro!

and my manager was like awwwwww

like robert dineiro?

and she said NO, LIKE MONEY

HIS NAME IS DINERO

LIKE MONEY

ERRYBADY SAYS LIKE ROBERT AND ITS NOT

IS LIKE MONEY.

2:36pm Me

ok well can you get a ride to krogers or something that would be key

but i can come get you.

i need to get off here i've been sitting with a facemask on for like 30 minutes and it said not to go over 10

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