Angstiety: Baby shambles

Yet again, lightning strikes in Toryville. Transmission - 1 Tory - 0. Terry Richardson (my car) has decided to end whatever charade we had going via suicide. The transmission in my car is shot. Which means my commute from Downtown Cincinnati to Florence Mall H&M is now a pretty difficult one. I feel like a tween again when my mom drops me off at the mall. Along with my car pooping out, my summer procrastination has finally caught up with me and I'm having to decide what to do about school. I've been attending Thomas More for the past two years (rather shittily might I add) and now after seeing what a fantastic art program liberal arts catholic colleges have (sarcasm) I'm really really wanting to transfer to the Art Academy of Cincinnati. I have several friends that go there and they all love it and I went through walk through today and I'm still swooning. The problemo: Money money money

Where I live now, the Art Academy is just a block away from my house. I love everything about living in the city. I couldn't imagine having to go back to Thomas More. It's beautiful. But money! Money money money. I hate it, and right now it's the only thing in the way of me living my dream. I will overcome this. I won't have enough money after financial aid and grants and yadayadayada to continue attending Thomas More. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. After hearing that from the Bursars office at Thomas More today, I went to the Art Academy to see what they had to say. Short story long, I embarrassed myself by bringing in a pathetic collection of pieces I've done the past four years that have been sitting at my mothers and passed it off as a make shift portfolio and they accepted me. Hip Hip! But then money comes in again. I'm just a itsy bitsy bit short on the guap I need to attend. And with almighty H&M and their instability with hours, who knows if I'll have the money in the future.

Hopefully all will go according to plan and everything will end up aok. My unrealistic dream is to live in Cincinnati and go to the Art Academy, not have a car or insurance and gas and parking tickets to worry about, and getting a stable job in retail or visual merchandising at a place I could walk to. We'll see how that goes.

Since finishing Paint It Black, I've been reading Anthony Keidis' biography "Scar Tissue" and I'm in love. I actually despised the band Red Hot Chili Peppers all through high school because this really annoying kid was super obsessed with them. But Christina has been an avid fan for a long time and has the book Scar Tissue, hence my reading it. I have about 30 pages left to read and it's so good. I now love to blare Red Hot Chili Peppers in my car (when it worked) because now I feel connected to every lyric, every chord has a meaning personal to me because I know what the artist's intentions were. In the book he breaks down a lot of their songs and reveals the whole meaning behind them. I love being in on the story.

He talks about dating a model with a bowl cut named Carmen for a whole year in the book. The song "Breaking the Girl" was written about their relationship. Another thing I love about the book are the pictures he includes. He talks about growing up and smoking for the first time and all these people in his life and relationships and you get to see the real artifacts. The true moment captured in time. I feel like I've experienced his life with him. One picture caught me especially. Its about halfway through the book and its a picture of the first time he smoked weed with his dad. I think he was 11 in the picture I can't remember perfectly.

The fact that him smoking, that one decision, ended up impacting his life in so many ways down the road and that he as the first time on film. The very first hit captured in 4 frames is amazing to me.

Back to Carmen though.

Ever since reading the part in the book about their relationship I've wanted a bowl cut so bad. Just a tiny little german techno band hair style.